


Damages Ensued

by MidnightsCalm



Category: South Park: The Fractured But Whole - Fandom
Genre: 16/17, Aged Up, Canon Divergence, F/M, It's south park what'd you expect?, M/M, bad language, new kid talks, not beta read we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:40:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21656914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightsCalm/pseuds/MidnightsCalm
Summary: Did I say that this would be out before Thanksgiving? I meant after Thanksgiving. Haha... oops?All jokes aside I hope you guys enjoy this remake of Crimson Shades.~Midnight/Midna
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kenny McCormick/New Kid | Douchebag
Comments: 10
Kudos: 117





	1. A Prank Gone Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Did I say that this would be out before Thanksgiving? I meant after Thanksgiving. Haha... oops?  
> All jokes aside I hope you guys enjoy this remake of Crimson Shades.  
> ~Midnight/Midna

I think everyone expected me to join Stan's Gang after the whole Stick of Truth fiasco. But if we're being honest, I'd probably kill one of them if we had to be with each other all the time. Besides, Craig's group is so much better. They don't constantly get each other into outrageous/life threatening situations, and they respect each other. But most importantly, they aren't constantly at each other's throats. I deal with enough of that at home, thank you very much.

"NEW KIIIID!" Kenny yelled. Oh yeah. I forgot I was running for my life for a second there. 

Okay so.. I may have waged a prank war against Clyde, which may have gotten out of hand almost immediately. And that might have led to me setting a paint bomb up inside what I thought was Clyde's locker, and that might have gone off in Kenny's face by accident... I blame Clyde.

I slide around a corner, dodging other students as I attempt to lose the angry, paint covered blond. It's then that the janitor pushes his cleaning cart out into the hallway. I'm able to clear it, but I hear a crash as I turn another corner. I don't bother looking back when Kenny lets out a loud groan. After a few more hallways, I'm suddenly on the ground. I quickly gather my bearings and open my eyes to see a downed Craig, a concerned Tweek, and Clyde dying from laughter across from me.

"Shit." I hiss out, scrambling up in order to help. "Sorry dude, didn't see you. Are you alright?"

Craig slowly sits up, rubbing the back of his head. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just sore from the landing."

Tweek and I pull the ravenette to his feet, before he turns to me. "W-what's got you in such a hurry? You seemed like you were running from something."

"DAMMIT! NEW KID, GET BACK HERE!" 

I turn back to see Kenny coming around the bend.

"That." I squeaked.

"Well maybe you guys can talk it ou-." I didn't let Tweek finish before I was taking off again.

"Good luck!" Clyde called after me.

"FUCK YOU, DONOVAN!" I yelled back. I take a couple more turns before I come to a dead end at the landing overlooking the main lobby. I skid to a stop and try to go through all of my options.

"Nowhere to run now, New Kid." I jump and snap back to see Kenny closing in, a smirk on his face. I glance at the railing, before turning my attention back to the blond.

"That's what you think." Kenny looked confused as I vault over the railing. I hear a few panicked gasps as I go into a roll and continue running out the door. Once outside, I do a quick survey of my surroundings before I spot a tree that has a few branches leading to the roof. If I could get up there, I could use the roof as a shortcut to the student parking lot and I could hide out in my car until the guys got there.

Making my decision, I dash towards the tree and quickly climb up. I made it about two-thirds of the way up when Kenny burst through the doors. The metal doors slam against the wall, the sound causing me to flinch and lose my grip. I fall about ten feet before my bag gets caught on a branch, breaking my fall and knocking the wind out of me. I gasped, curling in on myself as I tried to regain my breath.

"New Kid!" Kenny exclaimed, worry replacing the rage from before. "Are you okay?!"

"N-never better." I wheezed. 

"Okay, gimme a-"

"GAH! Are you okay?!" Tweek shouted, cutting Kenny off.

"G-geeze, you really know how to keep things interesting." Clyde said in between giggles. I just flipped him off in response.

Craig rolled his eyes. "You good up there?"

"I'll be fine." I called back. "But I don't think I can get down."

Kenny perked up."I'll be right up. Just hang on"

"Not like I can do much of anything else."

"Y'know" Clyde started, placing a finger to his chin. "This wouldn't take more than a few seconds for Mosquito if he were here."

"Is now really the time?" Tweek snapped. 

Clyde raised his hands in surrender. "Woah. Dude, chill. I was just joking."

"I get that. But maybe don't bring that up right now? We've got enough to worry about at the moment."

"Alright. I'm sorry."

That was... weird. But Tweek is pretty freaked out, so I guess its fine. I'll ask about it when i'm not currently dangling ten feet above the ground.

Kenny gets a few feet below me before Clyde spoke again.

"I bet even Human Kite would've gotten her down by now."

"CLYDE!" 

"What?!" The brunette indignantly cried.

"Tweek, chill." Craig chided. "He's just rambling. Ignore him."

"How do you expect me to ignore him when he keeps going on about the game?!"

"Tweek's got a point there." Kenny called down, still climbing up to me. "He really doesn't need to bring that up."

"Like you're one to talk Mr. Mysterion is so cool." Clyde sassed.

"At least I don't bring him up every other word!"

"Why don't you come down here and say that to my face?!"

"I'm kinda in the middle of something."

"Oh like you can't multitask." Craig jabbed.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You stroke your ego while on missions all the time." 

"Like hell I do!" Kenny shouted.

"At least he has the decency to include others on missions. Unlike some people!" Tweek shot.

"Really?!"

Kenny hopped out of the tree and stood next to Tweek as all four of them stared each other down. I couldn't do much more than watch as they shouted back and forth.

"The Coon Friends play favorites!"

"You're just upset that you have to wait for your movies!"

"Mosquitoe could kick your ass!"

"Oh what's he gonna do? Be a minor annoyance?"

And they forgot about me. I'm honestly not surprised, this happens way too often at home. Accepting that I'll have to get myself out of this, I move around in an attempt to get a hold of a branch. Turns out moving was a mistake as the branch dangerously creaks. I turn my head to see it drooping under my weight. Fuck.

"Guys..." I call down, not taking my eyes off the branch. 

"The Freedom pals suck!"

"Guys." I face the fight as I try to get their attention.

"At least we don't rely on flashy powers!"

"Guys!" The branch is creaking louder.

"FUCK YOU!"

"Guys!" 

"NO FUCK YOU!"

"GUYS!!" I shout.

"WHAT?!" They barked in unison.

_ CRACK!  _ And now I'm falling, great. I somehow grab a branch to my left, and I feel a painful pop as my momentum comes to a halt. That doesn't last long as the original branch smacks into me, causing me to lose my grip. I close my eyes and brace for impact.

Except my landing is softer than what I was expecting. I slowly open my eyes and see a lot of orange. I quickly sit up and see Kenny lying underneath me. I feel my face heat up as I scoot back to let the blond sit up.

"Oh god! Kenny are you okay?!" I asked.

"I should be asking you that." He sighed, looking me over. 

"You guys okay?" Craig asked in his normal monotone as he and Tweek helped us up.

"Yea-OUCH!" I began, only to grab my shoulder. It felt like it was on fire. 

"New Kid!" Tweek exclaimed, slowly lowering me to the ground. Then Kenny was suddenly kneeling next to me.

"Hold still and let me take a look." He said, gently prodding my shoulder. I hissed in pain each time he made contact.

"That's not good." Kenny mumbled.

"What?! What's wrong?!" Tweek fretted, trying not to jostle me.

"Pretty sure they dislocated their shoulder." Ken said, voice remaining calm as he finished his examination. "We need to take them to the hospital."

"Shit." Craig hissed. "Here, gimme your keys. I'll drive."

"T-they're in my bag." I stammered. Tweek slowly removes my bag from my shoulder and tosses it over to Craig. Kenny takes my none injured arm and pulls it over his shoulders. We take our time standing up and make our way toward my car. While Tweek and Craig take the lead, Clyde calls Token to meet us there, leaving me and Kenny in the rear. 

I couldn't really think through all the pain, but I was bothered by the fight. What was all of that about?


	2. So, This Is Hell?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A soft moment between New Kid and Kenny while the rest of the guys are probably setting the school on fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I got this out before Christmas! That's honestly better then I expected. In any case I thought I'd clear something up really quick before this chapter. Everyone is aged up in this fic. They all will be around the 16/17 range, so junior year in high school. Hence why New Kid has a car. Hope this helps!
> 
> ~Midna

Two weeks have passed since the tree incident, and shit hit the fan almost immediately. We got to Hell's Pass Hospital, and I got admitted pretty quickly. I'm not sure what happened while I was getting my shoulder put back into place, but when I came back out the guys were in another shouting match. This ended with a couple of nurses and security guards pulling them off of each other. It kept escalating from there, eventually dragging the other guys into it. History dissolved into a fist fight between Clyde, Token, Kenny and Jimmy. Stan and Kyle kept passive aggressively insulting each other. Tweek and Craig couldn't go five minutes without yelling at each other. And the cafeteria got destroyed in a food fight between all of them. 

And that brings us to yesterday, when I was hanging out with Craig, Tweek, Token and Clyde. It started out well, we were just enjoying a movie together after I got to have my arm taken out of the sling. That ended about fifteen minutes into the film when Token made an off handed comment about the characters. That apparently set Clyde off since he started shouting at Token. Tweek went to defend Token, when Craig joined Clyde. Who knew Harry Potter could start a fight that quickly.

I tried ignoring them, but seeing as how they were about to throw-down right next to my TV I had to intervene.

"Enough!" I shouted, slamming my hand onto my coffee table. "I fucking sick of listening to you dickweeds constantly fighting!"

"Well they started it!" Clyde said, pointing at Tweek and Token.

"Like hell we did!" Tweek exclaimed. All four began talking over each other.

"SHUT UP!" I yelled."I don't care who started what! You can either drop it or get the fuck out. I'm not dealing with this any more."

"Oh?" Clyde mocked, getting in my face. "And what will you do if we don't? Kick us out?"

I raised my eyebrow at him. A minute later Clyde was curled in the fetal position on my front lawn. The other three scrambled out the door not too soon after that. 

*****

I didn't expect to hear from any of them again until the next day. But I was proven wrong about two hours later by a knock on my door. I opened it to find Tweek, with tears spilling from his bloodshot eyes.

"Tweek? Hey what's wrong?"

"I-... Craig broke up with me." He sniffed, attempting to wipe away the tears.

"Oh, buddy. C'mer." I pulled him into a hug, and Tweek began sobbing into my shoulder. I spent the rest of the night calming him down.

The next day sucked. I was exhausted and everyone kept bickering with each other. Then there was the fact that Craig kept glaring daggers at me. I have no idea what his deal is, but that got ignored just the same as everything else.

By the time lunch hit, I was nursing a major headache and fed up with it all. So instead of heading to the cafeteria, I dropped by a vending machine for an energy drink and hid in the auditorium. Seeing as how it was pizza day, everyone should have been in the cafeteria. But there was Kenny lying on the stage, his legs dangling over the edge.

"Mind if I join you?" I asked, sitting next to him. He glanced at me before returning his attention to the ceiling. "Be my guest." 

We sat in an awkward silence for a few moments, not really knowing what to say to each other. I eventually open my drink, breaking the silence. Ken looks at me again as I take a long sip from the can.

"How many of those have you had today?" 

"This is only my second," I respond, moving it from my lips for a second. "But I also had a coffee this morning, and you don't want to know what was in that."

"Rough night?"

"Try month."

He winced "Oof."

"No kidding." I chugged the rest of the drink, and set it to the side. Another silence hit, but this one wasn't as tense.

Kenny sat up before he spoke again. "How's-uh, how's your shoulder doing?" 

"Pretty good. Got the sling taken off yesterday. Doctor said to give it another month before I try anything too taxing to it." I reply. Kenny raised an eyebrow

"Like?"

"Oh you know the usual. Weight lifting, throwing things, tree climbing." Kenny jumps at the last one. I shoot him a snarky smile. 

"You-!"

"Oh calm down, it was a joke." I chuckle. "You should see your face!"

"Oh fuck off!" He said, no heat behind his words. We stare at each other for a few seconds before dissolving into giggles. It takes a bit before we finally calm down, but by the time we do it's a few minutes before the bell rings. I start digging through my bag once I realize this.

"What are you doing?" Kenny asks

"Here." I say, tossing a tupperware at him.

He looks at it for a moment. "...What's this?"

"Chocolate chip cookies." I say, fixing the order of my bag. "It's an apology, for the paint bomb. I didn't get to properly apologize before, so I'm doing it now."

"Y-you didn't have to do this. I mean, I kinda caused the should injury."

"Really?" I turn to face him. "My setting a paint bomb off on the wrong person and my running away from said person made it your fault I dislocated my shoulder?"

"W-well when you put it that way..."

"Either way, you deserve an apology for my mistake. So, I'm sorry."

"Then I accept. And I'm sorry for chasing you up a tree. Thanks for the cookies."

The bell rings and we go our separate ways. Maybe the rest of the day won't be so bad?

*****

Oh oh oh, how foolish was I? The fighting between the guys got so bad that my headache turn into a migraine. And when it eventually got physical, I got dragged in. Walked out of that room with bruised knuckles and jaw, maybe a bit of blood from one of the guys. Good news, PC principal knew I was a victim and let me leave early. Bad news, someone already called my parents.

They were screaming at each other when I walked in. Guess they didn't notice I was home already cause they didn't stop fighting until I came back downstairs for some aspirin and a soda.

"Oh hey, whippersnapper!" Dad exclaimed, seeing me leaning against the kitchen door frame.

"Hey."

"H-how was school?" Mom asked. I raised an eyebrow.

"I think you can take a guess about how school went." I responded dryly, gesturing toward the lovely shade of purple coating my jawline. 

"O-oh well I guess...?" She looked to dad for help, but he was just as nervous as she was. They didn't like me seeing their fights, but it really didn't make a difference when I've been hearing them for the past five years.

"I'm going to my studio." I say, pushing past them heading for the basement. 

"O-okay kiddo! Just yell if you need us!" Dad called after me. I ignored him and shut the door.

My studio is pretty impressive for how often it's had to move. Most of the walls are lined with acoustic panels to help block outside noise from upstairs ( _ coughparentsfightingcough _ ). In the back corner is my main recording setup. I have a hanging mic, a standing mic with my headphones on it, my acoustic guitar, my electric guitar, and (my personal favorite) my base. There's also a stool for when I want to sit and play. Then there's my computer rig. Gaming pc with two monitors, a light up keyboard and another set of headphones. I custom built the hard drive, but bought everything else for it. Next my computer to it is my keyboard for obvious music purposes. And finally, I have my relaxing area. A comfy couch in front of my TV on it's stand with the GameSphere hooked up to it. In between the two stood a coffee table on top of a fluffy rug. On either side of the couch was a bean-bag chair and by the TV was a mini fridge with snacks inside it. 

I head over to the couch and collapse. I must've passed out because I'm startled awake when Mom knocks on the door.

"Honey, your friends are here." She calls through the door. I bite back a frustrated scream and sigh into the arm of the couch.

"Kay! Tell them I'll be up in a minute." I shout back, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Once I open the front door to see Kyle, Craig, Butters and Clyde standing there in their Stick of Truth outfits.

"No." I say, going to slam the door. Craig puts his foot in the way before I do.

"What do you mean 'no'? You can't say 'no'." He says, his classic monotone betraying the glare. 

"Well I just did." I reply "Watch I'll do it again. No." And I go to slam it again. But this time Kyle speaks up.

"Dude, come on! The Moorish are attacking and your throne will be destroyed or taken if we don't do something."

"I'm not sure if you remember this or not, but I pretty much quit after we threw the stupid stick into the lake."

"Ocean. And we really need you. Please? Cartman won't shut up if we don't protect Kupa Keep." Fuck, he has a point. Cartman is going to be such a pain in the ass if I don't go.

"... Fine! But I will burn down the 'kingdom' myself if he still gets pissy."

"Deal." Kyle says. I grab my crown and cape off of the coat hanger by the door and follow them out. Boy was that a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pssst  
> You should check out my tumblr
> 
> https://midnightscalm.tumblr.com/


	3. The King's Reign Come to an End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Kid takes down the Moorish. And a new game begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand we finally arrive at the events of the Game. I'm going to issue a warning now, I'm going to end up changing some events so that I can make this story flow a bit easier. Most of my changes will be minor, but I'll still edit the tags accordingly. In any case, I hope you guys enjoy. 
> 
> Until next time ~Midna

I'm honestly not sure what the opposing team expected when they decided to attack. I infiltrated and brought down the Kingdom of Darkness practically single-handed, and these guys thought their bicycle helmets would protect them. I kick a Moorish aside and glare at the ones behind him. They raise their hands and back up a couple of steps.

"Smart boys." I hummed, turning my gaze to Cartman's house. On the steps were a bunch of red legos, behind which stood two Moorish guards.

"Stand aside or die! We're going through that door!" Kyle barked.

"You can't."

"Oh yeah? Why not?!"

"Because everything in front of here is lava!"

"Oh, dude, no way." Kyle stared in disbelief. "All that is lava?!"

"Yep. Everything from here-" The guard from one side to the other. "-To here is lava. You can't cross it!" They then go inside, slamming the door behind them.

"SHIT!" Kyle hissed, kicking the snow as Craig catches up to us.

"Come on, let's get inside!"

"We can't. They're saying everything in front of the door is lava."

"Oh, that's not fair!" Craig exclaims. 

"Like anything in this game is fair." I mumble 

Butter's turns to me. "What do we do my King?!"

"Let-" I start, before getting interrupted by another Moorish.

"What do you do now? You die!" Wow dramatic much? "Release the dragon!" Butter's garage door opens to reveal a couple of Moorish leading out a cardboard dragon with two riders on top of it. The craftsmanship wasn't too shabby, too bad that I have to tear it apart. 

I duck under an arrow and kick one of the leads into the dragon. The other thrusts his sword at me, but I parry stealing his shield from him. I turn to throw it at the riders, only to have to dodge a stream of fire. Glancing up, I see the end of a flamethrower peeking out of the dragon's mouth.

"Where the fuck did they get a flamethrower?!" I shout, dodging another burst of flame.

The Moorish I stole the shield from tried the same move again, this time, I pull on his wrist and use the momentum to spin him headfirst into the dragon. The beast was getting ready to throw more fire, but the impact knocked the head off course enough that it stopped at the last second to avoid lighting the cardboard on fire. I took the chance to throw the shield at its neck, beheading it and pulling the flamethrower out of the rider's hands. The rest of the cardboard falls off, revealing the wagon underneath it. 

“Oh my god, he defeated the dragon!” One Moorish pointed out.

“No friggin’ way! That kid’s amazing!” Another one said. They all looked at each other before collectively retreating. I shrugged it off and went over to Butter's garage.

"So... How do we get inside now?" Butter asked as I passed. I grabbed a step stool and dragged it over to the table.

"Well maybe we could cli-" Kyle started, before I smashed the cardboard box in my way and tossing the stool into its spot. I climbed up the shelf to reach for the ladder that led to Butter's roof. Once on the roof, I looked around.

"What now genius?" Craig called up. I flipped him off and studied my route. After a few seconds I had a plan. I jumped onto the other slope and slid, jumping at the last second. I preformed a front-flip and landed on all fours.

"SHOWOFF!" Craig yelled. I rolled my eyes and watched the scene in front of me. Jimmy was being held by two Moorish while Kevin paced in front of them. I looked around the yard and saw Clyde hiding behind his weapons booth. I tried getting his attention, but he was too focused on the others. Placing my hand down, I felt a bunch of pebbles. I picked up a handful, and tossed them at Clyde. They landed against his helmet, and he snapped his gaze towards me. I motion for him to keep quite and wait. He nodded and turned his attention towards Kevin.

"Speak Bard!" He demanded. "What happened to the Stick of Truth?!"

"The wizard had it thrown into the ocean!" Jimmy said, glancing my way. I put a finger to my mouth, and he focused on the ravenette. Craig and Kyle then landed behind me. I motioned at the guys in front of us. They nodded and waited for my signal.

"LIES! You shall feel the wrath of the Moorish!" Kevin exclaimed, and I shot forward.

"Unhand him, you heathens!" Kyle called out. "Release the Bard or you'll have the king to deal with!"

Fear immediately covered their faces. "The King!" One of the guys holding Jimmy cried.

"They say he can slay a dragon with one blow!" The other said, lowering his sword fro Jimmy's neck.

"That's right! And if you don't- Wait, wait, whoa... Where's the wizard?" Kyle's triumphant speech becoming a confused glace around the yard.

"I thought he was with you guys." Jimmy said, just as confused as us.

Clyde looked towards me, I shrugged. "No we got a distress signal to come help him here." 

"Bzzzzzt!" Cartman yelled, jumping out from behind the castle.

"THE WIZARD IS GONE! My name is the Coon. I'm from the future!"

Craig sighed."Dude, we said we're not playing that anymore." 

"Yeah, we're all split up. What's the point?" Clyde added.

"THIS IS THE POINT!" Cartman growled, pulling a poster out from behind his back. "In my time there is a massive crime wave and missing cats. I knew my only hope was to assemble the team."

"Hey!" Kevin interrupted, looking pissed. "You can't switch games like this. Where's the Stick of Truth?"

"Shut up Kevin. This isn't about some dumb stick! There's a cat in trouble and it's the key to finding the crime syndicate new to our town! I-in the future." Cartman said, almost breaking character.

"Crime syndicate? That... that sound too heavy for the Coon and Friends." Clyde hesitated."

"Well what do you want, Clyde?" Cartman asked, anger in his words. "You want the fucking Freedom Pals to find the missing cat, get the hundred dollar reward, and make their superhero franchise more popular?!"

"Fuck the Freedom Pals, dude." Kyle agreed. Holy shit Kyle agreed with Cartman.

"That's right."

"Poopsiekins. There's a loud ringing coming from your basement playroom." Ms. Cartman called.

Cartman gasped, placing a hand in front of his mouth. "The Coon Alert! Come on, Coon Friends, go get your stuff and report back to the Coon lair! In the future."

Kyle and jimmy took off their head gear and tossed them to the side before joining Clyde and Craig in running through the door.

"COON AND FRIENDS ASSEMBLE!" Jimmy called before passing Cartman.

"Sorry guys, you can't play with us. We're playing superheros now aaand you guys are dorks." I watched as he slammed the door behind them.

I stood there for a second before shrugging. I made my way to the door, stopping only when Kevin spoke up.

"W-where do you think you're going?" He asked.

"You heard him, games over. I have better things to do with my time then wait on the whims of that asshole. See ya." I say, continuing in through the door. I almost make it back to my place when Craig and Clyde come rushing up to me.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Craig says, glaring at me.

"Home? I'm not sure if you heard, but I signed up for a fantasy war, not superheroes." I say, barely containing the venom in my tone. "Besides, Cartman literally told me I couldn't join."

Craig continues to glare at me, while Clyde speaks up. "Did you not get the text?"

"What text?" I say pulling out my phone. There's no new messages. I flip it to show Clyde who shrugs, and pulls out his own phone. He opens his messages and shows me a new group chat, and the only messages in it.

_ Coon: Hurry the hell up _

_ Coon: We can't let the Freedom pussies get the reward _

_ Coon: I'm adding Douchebag to the group _

_ Coon: Also if you see Douchebag, bring him here _

I look at the phone then at the guys, before I take off in the opposite direction. I don't get far before Craig tackles me. He wraps his arms around my waist and hefts me up onto his shoulder. I try to squirm out of his grasp, but his hold is strong. 

"Let go!" I hiss, still kicking like that'll do anything. They ignore me, and continue towards Cartman's at a slower pace. Ms. Cartman doesn't react to Craig carrying me over his shoulder. I stopped my fighting look toward Clyde, he just shrugged. I sag, accepting my fate. This was going to be a long day. 


	4. A new Hero (Reluctantly) Rises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Kid joined the game!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry about the large gap in updates, I've been busy. But I'm now in quarantine, so expect another chapter to come out pretty soon!  
> ~Midna

“Maybe we should go to Raisins and see if the waitresses know anything.” I huff and roll my eyes. I can’t see much from my position over Craig’s shoulder, but I don’t need to look to know Clyde’s expression.

Cartman sighs. “That’s not enough, Mosquito! We have to act fast before the Freedom Pals can!” And that makes it 12 times he’s brought up the Freedom Pals. Who the fuck even are these guys? “A hundred dollar reward. Do you know what that could mean to our superhero franchise?!”

“A possible chance of letting me go- OW! Fuck!” I hiss as Craig jerks his shoulder into my stomach. I shoot a glare at the back of his neck as he mumbles something about adjusting his grip. Asshole.

“That cat looks pretty old.” Kyle continued, completely ignoring my outburst.”Maybe it just died in the gutter somewhere.”

“Human Kite, do I need to remind you that as of right now the Freedom Pals have a hundred follows on Instagram?!” Cartman exclaimed. “We have six! The five of us and Billy Turner, who’s a ginger!”

“I think I might've found a reason why.” I murmur, Craig jostles me again. “Ow…”

Cartman pushes forward. “THIS is the key to finally beating those fuckers!” 

“But where do we start looking? That cat could be anywhere.” I turn to see Jimmy on the other side of Craig. I honestly didn’t know he was here. 

“If I was the cat, I wouldn’t want to be found by you guys eith-OW!” I yelp. This time his shoulder dug into my ribs. “Would you fucking stop that!”

“We need to split up.” Cartman decides. “Mosquito, take to the air and check out all the city parks.”

“You got it! Mosquito away!” Clyde called, running up the stairs.

“Human Kite, see if the cat is in a tree somewhere. You’ve got the storm drains, Super Craig.”

“What about New Kid?” Kyle asked.

“Just leave him there, I’ve gotta get him caught up.” 

I open my mouth to protest, but Craig roughly drops me. I barely avoid biting my tongue, as he and Kyle follow Clyde’s path out. Jimmy gently pats my back with one of his crutches in sympathy.

“Fastpass, I need you to use your superhuman speed to get to the Mayor’s Office and tell her we’re on the case.”

“Don’t worry Coon, you can count on F-F-Fastpass to get there f-f-f-fast.” Jimmy replies, almost losing his balance as he poses. Once regaining it, he heads out, leaving me with Cartman. 

He turns to face me, placing his arms behind his back. “So, it seems like we have a new recruit.”

“Yeah, you might want to rethink your recruitment process. Kidnapping is considered a crime in most places.”

“So you really wanna be a superhero? Want to play with the big boys, huh?”

I let out a frustrated sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose.“Y’know what  _ fine _ . I’ll join. You fuckers won’t leave me alone until I agree. Might as well save a bit of my sanity.”

“Great, go grab me that stafericy device.” He points at one of those viewfinder toys sitting by a cardboard command structure. I look between it and him a couple of times, before getting up and slowly moving towards it. I keep Cartman in my peripheral, until I have to bend down to pick up the toy. 

As I straighten up, and suddenly feel something being jammed into my neck. There’s a feeling of something being forced into my bloodstream as I snatch Cartman’s wrist, dropping the toy, and twist it behind his back. Throwing him forward and I reach for what he stabbed me with. I hiss in pain as I yank a syringe out of my neck. I use my free hand to stem the bleeding.

“What. The. Hell?!” I growl. Cartman just smirks up at me.

“We can’t have a superhero without powers, now can we? Now that would be a liability.”

“Why I ought-” I cut myself off, why was everything spinning? I bring a hand to my head as a wave of nausea hits me and I stagger back. My knees give out, bringing me to the floor.

“Wow, it seems as though the serum is already taking effect!” Cartman looked absolutely giddy. He said something else, but I didn't catch it through the sudden inferno that my body had become. Panting, I lay my head on the cool concrete floor, fighting the bile rising in my throat.

I must have blacked out, because the next thing I knew the heat and nausea were gone and Cartman was messing with an Ipad taped to a box on the other side of the room. Anger immediately flooded my senses. I was suddenly on my feet and marching towards him.

“Super Craig? Super Craig, this is Coon. Do you copy?” He demanded, not noticing my approach. “Super Craig, the fuck are you? I repeat, the fuck are you, Super Craig? This is an important mission, is he out of his mind?”

“I could ask the same about you.” I seeth as I grab his shoulder and spin him around. I snatch his collar in my hand and slam him against the wall.

“Woah, woah, woah! What the fuck man?!”

“What the hell did you just do to me?”

Cartman had the fucking gall to look offended. “That’s what this is about? Dude you should honestly be thanking me.”

I slam him into the wall again. “What the fuck did you just do?”

“Chill dude, I just gave you a chance to be a superhero. Honestly, I can’t wait to see your face when you figure out whatever cool power  _ I _ gave you.” He smirked. “That serum targets lanet DNA and enhances whatever ability is hiding within it.”

“Oh neat.” I say sarcastically. “Take it back.”

“Can’t”

“What?!”

“I can’t, once the serum has been injected, it can’t be reversed.” He shrugged. “Guess you’ll just have to deal with being a superhuman.”

“Are you fucking serious? I already have my parents pestering me about the government taking me for some stupid reason. I don’t need to add an actual reason for them to be paranoid!”

“Then don’t tell them. Simple.”

“Oh great plan! Except for the small fact you’ll have me gallivanting around town, and some stupid ‘power’ is going to draw everyone’s attention!”

He raised an eyebrow. “This town literally ignored a spaceship crash that destroyed the entire mall.”

I glared at him for a moment,before sighing in defeat. “...Fair. But the next time you come near me with a syringe, they’re going to digging it out of your stomach lining.” 

I let him go, but stay on guard. He quickly sets up a Hero profile sheet and asks me questions as he fills it out. Once he was done he handed me the tablet to read it over.

_ New Kid _

_ Class: Assassin _

_ Sex/Gender: Asexual Non-Binary _

_ Race: Human _

_ Alignment: Neutral _

_ Religion: Agnostic _

_ Power Source: N/A _

_ Kryptonite: N/A _

“Looks good to me.” I say handing the tablet back. “Can I leave now?”

He waves his hand at me in a ‘shoo’ing motion. “Yeah, sure whatever. Just go make a hero costume and I’ll send you your mission.” I roll my eyes and leave. I hope I'm still sane by the end of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Psst I updated New Kid's design you should check it out  
> https://midnas-artblog.tumblr.com/post/613534796593905664/i-decided-that-it-was-time-to-update-my-new-kid


	5. They Say Patience is a Virtue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Kid goes on their first mission(s)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you guys I would have it out soon. :3 I can't make any promises on the next chapter though.  
> ~Midna

I will never understand why people enjoyed taking selfies so much. It was just some stupid picture, big whoop. I also don’t understand why this had to be my first mission. I don’t know half of these people, so why should I take a selfie with them? I could be doing something better right now, and how I wished I was. 

I could have been half way through writing a new song, or I could be finally finishing that rpg that I started before we moved. Hell I would take listening to Mom and Dad’s pissing contest over mind numbing selfie taking!

I was taken from my angered thoughts by my phone ringing. Apparently Cartman has more shit for me to do. Great.

I press answer, and his face immediately fills the screen. “Not bad, Douchebag. You’re gaining followers pretty fast. Keep up the good work.”

I-what? Did Cartman just… compliment me? “I’m still having trouble reaching some of the Coon Friends. You might want to see what’s going on. Also come up with a goddamn hero name while you’re at it, its fucking lame to keep calling you Douchebag.”

With that, he hung up. That was one of our better interactions, which was surprising. Whatever, gets me out of taking selfies with complete strangers. Looking at the map, I noticed that both Kyle’s and Craig’s houses were lit up. Thinking about my current position and the fact that I might literally kill Craig if I see him, I decided that heading to Kyle’s would be best.

Besides being recruited by Randy to catch whoever is keying his car, it didn’t take too long before I was at the Broflovski residence. I knocked on the door, and waited for someone to answer. While waiting, I adjusted my costume. It’s pretty simple; black tank top, black leather jacket, dark jeans, combat boots, a knife strapped to one leg and a bebe gun one the other, and a black domino mask. Simple, yet effective.

Finally, Kyle opened the door and looked at me. After taking in my appearance, he gave me a small, apologetic smile and wave before going back into character.

“Who the hell are you?” He demanded, I just rolled her eyes and attempted not to chuckle. He really takes his characters too seriously. 

“REALLY?! You sent a newbie to my distress call?! You’re such a dick, Coon!”

“You got that right.” I smirk. He rolls his eyes and continues.

“Sorry kid, but my problem is too big for a rookie. A few days ago, there was an anomaly in the universe. Another version of me - the Human Kite from an alternate dimension showed up here and started destroying everything. Right now, it's upstairs in my room. I don’t think anything can stop it.”

I quirk an eyebrow. “Sounds fun. Besides I need to blow off some steam.”

“Are you sure? This will be pretty intense.” Kyle said, giving me a once over. I gave him a smug smile.

“Bring it.” 

*****

“You know when you said it would be intense, I thought you meant like ultimate battle.” I started, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Not whatever this is.”

I gestured to the brunette. Kyle’s cousin Kyle stood on the other side of the room rambling about… something or another. I honestly stopped paying attention when he said ‘Human Kite’ for the third time in one sentence.

Kyle sighed. “Yeah I could’ve worded that better.”

“You think?”

“Alright, I get it. But please help me out here.”

“I mean, that’s kinda why I’m here.” I shrug. 

“Thanks.” He whispered, before clearing his throat and facing Cousin Kyle. “I’m sorry me from another universe, but it is time for you to learn that playing superheros is too painful!” 

“Oh Jesus, we’re gonna fight?” Cousin Kyle cried.

“That’s right.” Kyle exclaimed. “If you really want to play, THIS is how you do it!” I crack my knuckles to empathise the point.

Cousin Kyle hesitated, before sighing. “Well, alright. Anything to make me and my cousin more alike. Prepare for battle, weakling!”

“Bold words for someone smaller than me.” I say as I lower into a battle stance.

“I haven’t done a whole lot of sparring. Is this a No-contact thing?”

“Nope.” I chirp. “Full contact. Not sparring.”

“I’m afraid that’s impossible, I didn’t bring my pads.”

“That’s too bad. Villains don’t care if you don’t have pads.” I quickly drop down and sweep his legs out from under him. “And neither do I.” 

“Ow. Cousin Kyle!” The brunette cried. “We can beat him if we join forces!”

“Yeah I really want to but parallel universe laws say I can’t.” Kyle shrugged. “Besides I’ve seen them fight. Teamwork would not work on them.”

“Them? But there’s only one guy?”

Kyle raises an eyebrow and gestures towards me.“Yeah, they go by they/them.”

“But he’s a guy.”

“A) No I’m not.” I pipe up. “I’m non-binary, meaning I don’t go by he or she. B) Focus on the moment.” I rush forward and twist his arm behind his back before pushing him forward.

“Wow there are a lot of decisions in this game, aren’t there?” Cousin Kyle says in wonder.

“That’s not a game choice.” I mumble.

“You could not play! Play that’s a decision you could make!” Kyle yells, he seems about ready to break his own rule over his cousin’s misgendering.

“Don’t be silly!” Cousin Kyle chuckles, throwing a weak punch at me. I catch it and counter with my own punch to his gut. He wheezes as I let go.

“Time out you guys, my vertigos acting up.” Kyle sighs in frustration.

“Jesus. Come on dude!” 

“Again, villains won’t care.” I say, throwing a weak right hook into the brunette’s jaw. 

He staggered back a couple steps. “Hey easy tigger. I bruise very easily.” Cousin Kyle pauses for a few moments, before shaking his head. “Alright I think my inner ear fluids have stabilized now. That last hit didn’t count alright?”

I roll my eyes and doge another weak punch. I stick my leg out and he immediately falls to the ground.

“Hang on. Time out I need to use my inhaler.” He wheezes as he picks himself up. 

“For the last time, your opponent's not going to care!” I chastise him, losing my patience. “They can and will take every chance they get. Like so.” I bring my elbow down into his back.

“Cousin Kyle! I called a time out and he didn’t listen!” The brunette whined. “You know my asthma flares when I exert myself.”

“Yeah well, they’re right. Villains and other opponents won’t care about your asthma.” 

I rush forward to throw another punch, when Cousin Kyle shouts. “Wait!” I stumble, but immediately regain my balance.

“What!” Kyle and I both snap. 

“I thought I should get this turn since he didn’t wait when I called time out earlier. I thought I should get this turn instead.”

“THERE AREN’T TURNS!” I yell, frustration finally getting the better of me. “This is essentially street fighting. You wanna know the rules of street fighting? Too bad there aren’t any. Get it through that thick skull of yours. This. Is. Not. A. Kid’s. GAME!”

Cousin Kyle freezes, before chuckling. “Well why didn’t you say so?” Kyle and I give each other uncertain looks as the brunette continues. “All right, I’m gonna use my super ultimate power. Get ready.”

He climbs on top of the bed and crouches as if he was about to jump off the bed. “...Are you ready?”

“Oh, Jesus.” Kyle sighs. Cousin Kyle sticks his hands in the air and jumps at me. I take a step back and he lands on his face. I wince when he sits up and I see blood pouring from his nose.

“Oh! Oh Jesus, I think I might have ruptured my hernia!” He whines, clutching a hand to his stomach.

“You have enough, alternate me?” Kyle asks, his own frustration coating his words.

“Yeah, this superhero stuff really hurts. I better go back to my universe.” With that, Cousin Kyle limped out of the room.

“Good riddance.” I muttered. Kyle cleared his throat behind me.

“Hey-uh… I’m sorry about him. My family isn’t exactly the most… open minded.”

“It’s fine, I’m used to it.”

“But that doesn’t make it right. People should respect your pronouns.”

“Kyle seriously, it’s fine.” I ease, placing a hand on his shoulder. Something wasn’t right here. “...You okay man?”

“Yeah!” He replied way too quickly. I raise an eyebrow. “I’m fine, people just can’t disregard other pepo-”

“What are your pronouns?”

“W-what?”

“What are your prefered pronouns, Kyle?” I ask again, giving a small encouraging smile.

It was quiet for a moment, Kyle’s shock filling the room. Before he sighed in defeat. “They/Them or He/Him. It depends on the day.” 

I pat his shoulder and give another smile. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Please don’t tell anyone!” He begged. “I haven’t told anyone, I rather keep it quiet until I’m ready.”

I give his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “That’s fine. I’m sorry for forcing you to tell me.”

“No, no. I’m glad I told you. I was probably gonna come to you about it first anyways.”

“Good to hear. If you want to talk about it, my door’s open.”

“Thanks dude. Same goes for me, call if you ever need help.” I chuckle and bump his shoulder. Sweet, a new ally. Now to go and deal with Craig.

**Author's Note:**

> Drawing of my New Kid can be found on my tumblr: https://midnas-artblog.tumblr.com/post/613534796593905664/i-decided-that-it-was-time-to-update-my-new-kid


End file.
